Why the Malcimats Must Die

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Time to dust off the "Rants against Fungus3" category and rant about his latest trite villains, the Malcimats.

Pointlessly Trite

The Malcimats are just another bunch of trite Creature Stage villains who do nothing but sit there and become sentient. All the other "mean" creatures do more than this, and we can interact with them just fine; whether it's charming them into an alliance or drugging them with the Binding of Isaac-inspired drugs wiping them off the face of... whatever the planet in Nirvana is called again.

But the Malcimats? Nope. Can't lay a finger on them. And there's not even a good reason for it! I mean, if they were super-advanced (like the Garadreads in the original STNL) or had tons of allies (like the Xenaricos from SR), then it would make sense. In that case, they would be a true threat to be RECKONED WITH instead of just being lame red carnivores. There is no reason at all why we can't just all get together and launch the mass attack to end all mass attacks on them and end their trite villainy for good.

As they stand now, the Malcimats exist solely to drive us into a frenzy so that when we do kill them, everyone (most of all me) can cheer. There is little conflict that arises from them because they sit around like lazy bums. If they sent occasional raids or beat us to allying creatures or some crap like that, then there'd be a bit more conflict. But no; all they do is sit and make me want to play Nirvana less and less. The more I see time pass by without them dead, the more I want to find fungus3 and punch him.

Also, if they just sit around doing nothing all the time, then they're obviously stupid and gay* and deserve to get killed off ASAP.

The Paxos by Any Other Name

Cast your mind back to fungus3's first silicon-based trite villains, the Paxos. At the time, they were somewhat interesting since they were silicon-based, but still trite nevertheless. We couldn't kill them or even interact with them, and they unfortunately survived to menace the galaxy in the Space Stage. There's nothing to differentiate the Malcimats from the Paxos or any other trite villain fungus3 has made (me want to kill). If this were an interactive series in the SR Universe, then this would be less of an issue. But this is a reboot, for crying out loud. Yes, fungus3 has been against this from the beginning, but so was I when I first got onto Steam that Christmas afternoon. While I embraced a reboot and was eager to change and redo the backstories of the Kleekoonanonis/Kleekoonians, Zoolohonians, Garadreads, Jonterops, et al., fungus3 has chosen to keep the status quo and stuff a trite villain in his new series for the sake of stuffing a trite villain in his series.

The whole point of a reboot is to start anew without the mistakes of the old continuity. You don't see me putting Holly Short in and having her prance around, now do you? Do the Jonterops look like weird noodles or actual bird-people? Are the Garadreads hyper-intelligent and talking in the creature stage? No, because eme12 and I have learned what works best in an interactive series and what doesn't; not to mention our creating styles and stories have matured. By now, fungus3 should've learned trite villains simply don't work if they stand around and tempt me to kill them. They didn't work in WoEC, they didn't work in TSP, they didn't work any of his interactive series, and they don't work in Nirvana. I see no proof that fungus3 has advanced in any way as a creator or storyteller; and Nirvana feels like World of Evolutioncraft with new creatures and a new setting, but the same dumb trite villains.

Conclusion

Bad and trite villains are almost as bad a pet peeve as people misspelling my name. While I can tell people the correct spelling and notice that they get it, eme12 and I bombard fungus3 with rants over and over again without him budging. The Malcimats infest the new Revolution Universe and threaten to destroy the improvements it stands for! Something needs to change, and that something needs to be fungus3's ability to make non-trite villains who actually impress me beyond being immortal and shielded behind trite-villain armor. Another thing that needs to change is their existence: why can't we kill them all and end their stupidity and homosexuality forever?! Join me in denouncing the Malcimats as the trite villains they are!

*I'm not a Neo-Nazist Trump supporter who hates gay people. I have nothing against homosexuality and gender equality; just that eme12 likes calling them gay in the worst possible sense. And despite what he may say, he thinks Bernie Sanders rocks!